My future picture?

 

My contract at Enka School ends June, 2022.  Even though I feel I just stepped off the plane and was greeted by my airport angel, Zeynep, it is time for me to make a decision to extend my contract for a year or go home and truly retire.  

I do not know why people look so forward to retirement.  I’m afraid of it.  People die in retirement!  But, it is inevitable, right?  So, I've decided to go home and “face” retirement.  I decided not to extend my contract and I told the high school principal yesterday.

Up until Jim’s visit last month I had not made up my mind.  I love the job.  I love being in a classroom.  I get a kick out of the students…well, most of them!   Three factors told me it is time to retire:

1)      1 - Jim is supportive of my teaching abroad.  His encouragement and enthusiasm for my teaching abroad adventure makes all this possible. Do not get me wrong.  I never sought his “approval”- that is not the kind of marriage we have.   But, his being a part of my coming to Istanbul was essential to the quality of the experience.  He shares everything.  My apartment became his apartment.  He leaves clothes here to have on return trips.  We talk daily.  He listens and understands, since he was a teacher himself, to all my classroom highs and lows.  He meets and enjoys the company of my friends.  When Jim comes to Istanbul we have dinners out with Mert and Emily, go to Nurcan’s apartment for a visit, and this past visit he and I hosted a Thanksgiving dinner for 12 of my colleagues.  Jim is really the best partner in life I could ever have wished for; it is time for me to think of him.  Traveling for a day to get here and a day to return – during all the Covid requirements – has not been easy.   Jim has done it without complaint, and with his usual positive spirit.  Now, it’s time for me to go home and be with him.  It’s time for him to choose the places to travel and how we spend our time together.

 

2)     2 - I miss my children.  Pamela is pregnant with her second little girl and due in March.  Not only will I not get to see Pamela during her pregnancy, I will not see the baby until the summer.  These are the sacrifices I considered while making the decision to teach abroad – in a Muslim country.  Christmas will be special this year because everyone is vaccinated, plus all three of my children and their spouses and their dogs are coming to Lexington.  I considered a quick flight home, but no personal days are allowed to be attached to the two days ENKA gives for Christmas.  So, I’m stuck.  For the first time since I’ve come to Istanbul, I am homesick.   My spirit aches to see me children and my granddaughter.  So, I know it’s time to retire.

 

3)     3 - If you’re a reader of my blog, you know I love ENKA School and my job here.  However, the high stakes testing that happens every quarter, destroys my teacher soul.  At the end of every quarter, students take a formal test in every subject…think of a cafeteria full of ACT test-takers.  They do this for every subject, 4 times a year.  Classes are cancelled for a week just to focus on these tests.  The results go into a database at the Ministry of Education.  The weight of this testing for some students is practically unbearable.  It is for teachers too.  I felt drained and depressed after it was over.  Let me explain why.  Weeks prior to the test teachers hash out the task(s), including rubrics.  Students, parents and administrators expect classes to be devoted to test preparation; I even held an extra class after school for review. (This is expected by administration.)  After the test, there is moderation.  Teachers exchange a few papers and mark each other’s students.  Then we come together for a moderation session.  These sessions can be intense, and disheartening.  I have never been a harsh grader, so I have had to adjust my way of applying rubrics since coming to ENKA to match other teacher’s marks which can be a challenge.  I want to be kind, I want to give points for students grappling for meaning, I want to acknowledge effort.  Can’t do that with a black and white rubric and other teachers facing me down for explanations and justifications.  Does it make me a better teacher?  Yes.  Does it make me feel good to give a student a 60% when I wanted to give a 70%?  No.  I feel awful.  After the marks are determined there is data input on several spreadsheets.  Then, comes the worse part.  I must give the students their results and orchestrate it so it is “private.” Some students cry.  Some get angry.  Some have been schooled to argue for more points, and they challenge teacher’s marks. I have to do this 3 more times this year.  And I dread it.  Retirement looks so much better than this stress. 

In July 2022, I will pack up, invite all my friends to visit me in Kentucky, and leave my Istanbul home behind.  I will leave my teaching career behind.  Everyone asks:  What do you picture yourself doing? The answer is yet to be discovered.  For many years, I held the secret wish to teach abroad.  I’ve done it!  What a treasured experience it has been!  However, I miss spending time with my family and I can't sacrifice more years. I will let life take me where it will.  If that is on my couch, with a book, a golden retriever at my feet and my husband nearby, I can live with this picture.